A man is worried that his wife is losing her hearing, so he consults a doctor. The doctor suggests that he try a simple at-home test on her: Stand behind her and ask her a question first from twenty feet away, next from ten feet, and finally right behind her.
So the man goes home and sees his wife in the kitchen facing the stove. He says from the door, “What’s for dinner tonight?”
No answer.
Ten feet behind her, he repeats, “What’s for dinner tonight?”
Still, no answer.
Finally, right behind her he says, “What’s for dinner tonight?”
And his wife turns around and says, “For the third time—chicken!”
2. A 103-year-old woman in Wales is the oldest Facebook user. It just goes to show you that you’re never too old to waste your precious time.
3. Jean Paul, a Cajun, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old famer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died.”
“Well then, just give me my money back.”
“Can’t do that, I went and spent it already.”
“OK then, just unload the donkey.”
“What are you gonna do with him?”
“I’m gonna raffle him off.”
“You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
“Sure, I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anyone he’s dead.”
A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, “What happened with the dead donkey?”
“I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made a profit of $898.”
“Didn’t anyone complain?”
“Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back.”
4. A woman goes to a spiritualist—a medium. She wants to get in touch with the spirit of her dead husband. The medium goes into a trance and after a while a voice comes out.
“Barbara,” it says, “Are you there?”
“That’s Jack,” the wife says, “I’d know his voice anywhere. Jack, tell me…where you are…is it nice?”
“Barbara, it’s absolutely gorgeous…The sky is beautiful blue with pretty white clouds…
and the cows…Barbara, I really wish you could see these cows. Brown cows, black cows, white cows—such beautiful cows I’ve never seen, never in my whole life.”
“But… Jack, I didn’t know they had cows in Heaven.”
“Who’s talking about Heaven? I’m a bull in Argentina!”
5.There was a young fellow of Kochi,
Who lived with three wives at one time.
When asked: “Why the third?”
He replied: “One’s absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime.”
6. Three old men were sitting on a front porch comparing their memories. The first one says “I remember being in a stroller, I must have been two.
The second one says “I remember standing up in the crib and looking around.”
The third one says “You both have lousy memories, I remember going to a picnic
with my dad and coming home with my mom.”
7. Why aren’t elephants allowed in the swimming pool?
Because they can’t keep their trunks up.
8. The wife was in front of the divorce judge and said, “All I’m asking is that my husband should leave me the way he found me.”
Slightly taken aback, the judge said, “But lady, that’s impossible.”
“Why impossible?” she persisted. “He found me as a widow, didn’t he?”
9. If everyone owned a horse, the country would be more stabilized.
10. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
One little boy replied, “Thou shalt not kill.”
11. Why can’t you eat carrots with fingers?
Carrots don’t have fingers.
12. Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Isn’t that called a horse?
PS: If you have some jokes or anecdotes pl send them. We can share it. vijaycnair2000@yahoo.co.uk
So the man goes home and sees his wife in the kitchen facing the stove. He says from the door, “What’s for dinner tonight?”
No answer.
Ten feet behind her, he repeats, “What’s for dinner tonight?”
Still, no answer.
Finally, right behind her he says, “What’s for dinner tonight?”
And his wife turns around and says, “For the third time—chicken!”
2. A 103-year-old woman in Wales is the oldest Facebook user. It just goes to show you that you’re never too old to waste your precious time.
3. Jean Paul, a Cajun, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old famer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died.”
“Well then, just give me my money back.”
“Can’t do that, I went and spent it already.”
“OK then, just unload the donkey.”
“What are you gonna do with him?”
“I’m gonna raffle him off.”
“You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
“Sure, I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anyone he’s dead.”
A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, “What happened with the dead donkey?”
“I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made a profit of $898.”
“Didn’t anyone complain?”
“Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back.”
4. A woman goes to a spiritualist—a medium. She wants to get in touch with the spirit of her dead husband. The medium goes into a trance and after a while a voice comes out.
“Barbara,” it says, “Are you there?”
“That’s Jack,” the wife says, “I’d know his voice anywhere. Jack, tell me…where you are…is it nice?”
“Barbara, it’s absolutely gorgeous…The sky is beautiful blue with pretty white clouds…
and the cows…Barbara, I really wish you could see these cows. Brown cows, black cows, white cows—such beautiful cows I’ve never seen, never in my whole life.”
“But… Jack, I didn’t know they had cows in Heaven.”
“Who’s talking about Heaven? I’m a bull in Argentina!”
5.There was a young fellow of Kochi,
Who lived with three wives at one time.
When asked: “Why the third?”
He replied: “One’s absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime.”
6. Three old men were sitting on a front porch comparing their memories. The first one says “I remember being in a stroller, I must have been two.
The second one says “I remember standing up in the crib and looking around.”
The third one says “You both have lousy memories, I remember going to a picnic
with my dad and coming home with my mom.”
7. Why aren’t elephants allowed in the swimming pool?
Because they can’t keep their trunks up.
8. The wife was in front of the divorce judge and said, “All I’m asking is that my husband should leave me the way he found me.”
Slightly taken aback, the judge said, “But lady, that’s impossible.”
“Why impossible?” she persisted. “He found me as a widow, didn’t he?”
9. If everyone owned a horse, the country would be more stabilized.
10. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
One little boy replied, “Thou shalt not kill.”
11. Why can’t you eat carrots with fingers?
Carrots don’t have fingers.
12. Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Isn’t that called a horse?
PS: If you have some jokes or anecdotes pl send them. We can share it. vijaycnair2000@yahoo.co.uk
No comments:
Post a Comment